From an early age, Southern girls are taught never to swear. But everyone knows swearing is just a way of letting off steam when you get your feathers ruffled. Out of necessity, we’ve invented a few colorful expletives over time to help vent our anger without offending those in polite society.
One morning when I was eight, and my two sisters were six and ten, we gathered around the kitchen table to eat our usual hearty breakfast of eggs, biscuits, jam, bacon and grits. Since I enjoyed experimenting with my food, I stirred a bit of sugar into my grits.
One morning when I was eight, and my two sisters were six and ten, we gathered around the kitchen table to eat our usual hearty breakfast of eggs, biscuits, jam, bacon and grits. Since I enjoyed experimenting with my food, I stirred a bit of sugar into my grits.
My older sister, Anna, was horrified. “Gloria Jean, don’t you have a grain of sense? You’re not supposed to put sugar in grits!”
“I’ll eat my grits any way I want and if you don’t like it you can kiss my…!”
Both my sisters sucked in air. “Don’t you dare say a cuss word!” Anna said.
I scooped up a big spoonful of grits and flicked it in her direction. “Kiss my grits!” I yelled.
The white mush landed with a splat just above her left eye. She growled and returned fire with a forkful of eggs-over-easy.
“Quit it!” snapped my younger sister, Charlotte. “Mama’s gonna have a hissy fit when she sees this mess!”
Two biscuits bounced off the top of her head. “Mama!” she wailed.
By the time our mama showed up, Anna and I were locked in a death grip, rolling around on the floor, and covered head to toe in food.
Needless to say, the two of us spent the rest of the morning sweeping and mopping the floor, scrubbing the table and washing the dishes while Charlotte played in the backyard.
“I hope you’ve learned your lesson,” said Mama after we’d put away the last of the clean dishes.
“Yes, Ma’am,” we said in unison.
We learned our lesson all right. Next time we’d settle our differences outside.
Recipes included in the book with this story: Southern Grits, Cheesy Grits (recipe on this blog), Shrimp and Grits, Homemade Biscuits, Sausage Gravy (recipe on this blog)
Order print version for $7.95 from Amazon.com
Order E-Book for $2.99 from Amazon.com
Order print version for $7.95 from Amazon.com
Order E-Book for $2.99 from Amazon.com
